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Joke of the Day

"What happened when the host of Dirty Jobs said hello to a friend that was fairly far away? Microwave."

"What do you call a basement full of redditors? A wine cellar."

"Camo is proper for any occasion. It's good for drinkin' beers, huntin' deers and scarin' queers. Merica."

"Why are business men's toilet clogged? They gave too many shits"

"""Smells fresh. Like a tropical island."" ""Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family's been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!"""

"I can't wait to see the new movie, ""Constipation"" Unfortunately it hasn't come out yet."

"Have you heard the best dad joke? He was the groom's father. Not part of the joke: Yes I made that up in the shower this morning."

"Why do asians have such squinty eyes? Because atomic bombs are pretty bright."

"Dance like the picture's not being tagged. Love like you've never been unfriended. Tweet like no one's following."

"Why is /r/jokes so keen to build a wall to keep things out that aren't funny? They're afraid of the competition."