170883

Joke of the Day

"Friend: Did you know that a butterfly only lives for 2 days? Me: I think that's a myth. Friend: No it's definitely a butterfly."

"When the zombie apocalypse finally starts, I am running straight to the graveyard to play the most epic game of whack-a-mole ever."

"CASHIER: 300. ME: Ha, like the movie. CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld. ME: Ha, like the comedian. CASHIER: ... ME: Ha, like a mime..."

"Grandpa: ""My joints are stiff."" Me: ""Don't roll them so tight."""

"FIRMS YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF OFFERING SERVICES YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND AT PRICES THEY REFUSE TO DISCUSS."

"After progressively lifting heavier weights, I was finally able to squat 600 pounds. Unfortunately, all that money still weighs less than a kilo."

"A penny fell out of my pocket So I left it thinking ""I just raised their property value."""

"A terrorist walks into a pet store and says ""You have 5 minutes to get out of here...I'm going to blow myself up."" Tortoise : Dafuq :-/"

"I can help anyone quit smoking by spraying them with hair spray as they light their cigarette."

"Did you hear about the circus fire?.. People said it was intense.."