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Joke of the Day

"Friend: Did you know that a butterfly only lives for 2 days? Me: I think that's a myth. Friend: No it's definitely a butterfly."

"The day I can't do my job drunk... Is the day I hang up my school bus keys."

"What do the 2016 Rio Olympics and the 2016 US presidential race have in common? Half of the competitors cheat and the other half aren't qualified."

"What's the difference between the US election and sex? During sex it's fun to choose between asshole and cunt."

"When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies?"

"I told my redneck uncle how I learned about the five pillars of Islam. He said Muslims must all be a bunch of pansies. Just one pillar has always been enough for him, and he sleeps just fine!"

"Say no to drugs! Then again, if you're talking to drugs, you're probably already on drugs."

"A blind man walks into a bar... And hits his head."

"If you are cornered by raccoons in the wild then place your thumb and index finger tips together- make a bandit mask. They will accept you."

"Listen, kid. When you've spent 4 days eating cat food in a Vietnamese spin-fuck chair for phonics, we'll talk about hooked."