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Joke of the Day

"""I definitely have the biggest penis in this room,"" I announced drunkenly at the party. Slightly ruined my son's 13th."

"Why didn't the pretty woman walk down the street? Quadraplegic, terrible car crash ...but she still suck dick for money!"

"How do you grill sheep? With Samsung Batteries."

"I hate going left Because it's just not right."

"What do you call a car that grants wishes A Lamborgenie"

"If the T-Rex had arms that were long enough to hug, they probably wouldn't have been so mean."

"The vegetable crisper or as I call it, the cold garbage can."

"What do you call it when you think deeply about something you just saw on reddit? Redditation. I am so sorry... that was horrible."

"The quietest sound ever recorded is the sound of a Canadian saying ""excuse me"" in a crowd"

"Are those against upgrading to OSX Yosemite... Anti-Yosemites?"