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Joke of the Day

"One day my kids are gonna be like ""please let us off the roof"" and ill reply ""400 on black"" because ill be at a roulette table far far away."

"What do you call a virus that affects your command-line? A Terminal Illness."

"What did the racist chef say to Lenny Kravitz? Get to the back of the oven..."

"What should you do before cooking the vegetables? Remove the wheelchair"

"What's the difference between a priest and a zit A zit waits until you're 12 before it comes on your face"

"Q: What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer? A: One sells watches and the other watches cells."

"I told my boss that I wanted a raise. The boss, like a jackass, replied, ""How much of a raise do you need to get the job done?"" ""About five gallons of gasoline,"" I replied."

"Surprise your family by quitting your job and becoming a coffee table."

"If life gives you melons... you might be dyslexic"

"If I ever see a shark I won't be attacked. Because although sharks are attracted to blood in the water, they are repelled by feces."