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Joke of the Day

"""sir we don't hire people to be mannequins"" Me:*strikes mannequin pose* ""No, sir we don-"" M:*new pose* [under breath] ""damn this guys good"""

"I don't know what my shoes are laced with But I'm tripping balls"

"""You know, your ex-wife was trash! I never liked her."" ""We're still married, Grandma."" ""She's such a lovely girl."""

"Did a somersault for the first time in years. I know that's not a good tweet but I'm getting bored lying here waiting for the paramedics."

"a gun is like a blow up doll You get off when you use it .... except it can kill someone."

"12 ways to cut down on clickbait! This wasn't one of them"

"My buddy just got a supercomputer. Thing's about as big as a room. That shit Cray."

"Why don't paperclips move around a lot? They like being stationery."

"A man walks out of a bar... drunk and looks at his watch,it says 10:00 and after a few seconds it changes to 10:01 and he yells out ""I time travelled!"""

"What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, you racist bastard."