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Joke of the Day

"I'm at my most NASCAR driver when I really have to pee."

"Still super weird to me that humans can make other smaller humans. I wish mozzarella sticks could make other smaller mozzarella sticks."

"How to fleas travel ? Itch hiking !"

"I'm returning this head of lettuce. It tastes awful. ""Sir, that's a loofah."" Oh. I'm returning this loofah. Someone took a bite out of it."

"They say the heart is the most resilient organ... it can really take a beating."

"Michael, the kid with no hands What did Michael get for his birthday? Gloves ... Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet Knock, knock Who is it? Not Michael"

"Auto-correct is so crazy now a days... My mom meant to text me 'I love you' but it auto corrected to 'You're a disappointment.'"

"I wonder if both Wright Brothers were behind their inventions, or it was just one & their mother yelling ""Wilbur, you include your brother!"""

"Me: Can I bet $20 on the Panthers to win the Super Bowl? Government: Sorry, no Me: Ok, can I buy 1k in powerball tickets? G: Lol, of course"

"My friend wants to carve a Venus statue from a tree. That seems like it would take a while, woodentit?"