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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the dog want to play football ? It was a boxer !"

"The government have announced new measures to stop migrants from getting into England Henceforth, Chelsea fans will be in charge of security at Calais."

"Did you know that Truett Cathy, Founder of Chick-fil-A, wanted a CFA sandwich for his last meal? Unfortunately, he died on a Sunday."

"What's the opposite of Tim Walken? Tim Daly."

"Every time God closes a door, he opens a window, thereby wasting electricity on air conditioning, causing climate change and dooming us all."

"Found $12 bucks today! Well, it was in my daughters purse, but I figure she owes me at least $50,000 by now."

"Scientists have discovered... That left handed people are significantly more likely to finish exams than people with no hands."

"Bread -mummy I'm tired of always eating bread from yesterday! When will we eat bread that was made TODAY? -tomorrow darling."

"My brother had some bad news.. I saw my brother the other day, he told me ""Grandpa got badly burned"" ""Really how badly?"" ""Well they don't fuck around at the crematorium"""

"Why did the rich guy crash his car? He wanted to see how the Mercedes bends"