166805

Joke of the Day

"As a married man, how excited I was that I almost has a successful Steak & BJ day... The steak was delicious, but I didn't get two of my ribs removed in time."

"Only Two Things Can Change A Women's Mood 1.I Love You. 2.50% Discount"

"Anyone who says ""Let's all put our phones down and talk with each other,"" is just running out of battery and needs a charge."

"My girl friend wanted a nose job... So I tried. But her nostrils weren't big enough."

"Typical day Just saw Denzel Washington on the street and said ""Hey Denzel! Can I get a picture with you?"" And he's all like ""I'm not Denzel you racist piece of shit."" Classic Denzel."

"Do you know why Bill Clinton played the saxophone? Because he lost his whoremonica"

"A baby seal walks into a club..."

"The Voice Coach Voice Coach: ""Let's start with a scale."" Student: ""Do, re, muuuhh, fa, so, la, ti, doooh!"" Voice Coach: ""Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't take that tone with mi!"""

"Did you her about the boy that was born without any eyelids? They used the foreskin from the circumcision to make them. I guess you could say he was a little cockeyed."

"ME: Dave's coming over for tea WIFE: Dave from work or Dave I'm having a secret affair with? DAVE: *from inside wardrobe* I don't eat peas"