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Joke of the Day
"The five second rule doesn't apply to babies. You can pick them up anytime after dropping."
Next Joke
"In California, there's just ""pot"" at the end of the rainbow."
"When a guy texts ""your beautiful,"" reply with ""my beautiful what?"" then laugh and laugh and never talk to that nice idiot again."
"Me: I know you from somewhere Jesus: I get that a lot Me: no I'm sure Jesus: just one of those faces Me: [holding arms out] go like this"
"The boss at work is forcing us all to use the toilet only at designated times. It's my turn to go now.. I don't need this shit!"
"How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, two, two"
"I was hoping to lose weight when I quit drinking, but it turns out that's not how pregnancy works."
"What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus? I don't know, but it sure can pick strawberries."
"How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Staple food to the ceiling"
"I just made way too much pasta, so if you haven't eaten dinner yet, swing by and watch me eat way too much pasta."