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Joke of the Day

"I just made way too much pasta, so if you haven't eaten dinner yet, swing by and watch me eat way too much pasta."

"Why don't people in Kuwait know who Obama is? Because they've been living under Iraq."

"Why go to college? There's Google."

"My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records Then the librarian told me to take it out."

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee? Because he was drinking it before it was cool"

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but don't ask me how they got in there."

"Me: I love you. 5 yr: I love you too. Me: I love you more than you'll ever love me. 5 yr: Okay"

"I'll always cherish the original misconception I had of you."

"I like Gila monsters because they're willing to admit they're monsters, unlike giraffes"

"Totally Original Joke What do you get when you cross a bulldog and a maltese shih tzu? An abortion."