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Joke of the Day

"I hate when someone texts me cause then I can't post anything on the internet or they'll know I'm ignoring them."

Next Joke
 
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"[God making trees] God: ""They're alive but not. Every now & then they drop food."" Angel: ""I don't--"" God: ""Also they breathe the opposite."""
"I love picking out my wife's panties except this isn't my house and now some dudes are yelling for me to come downstairs with my hands up"
"I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot. It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there: They have no wife to go home to... or they do."
"What are some canned retorts that can be funny in many situations, like ""that's what she said"" or ""let's not and say we did""?"
"Before I met my wife I always felt incomplete... Now I'm finished."
"How does a witch tell time? With a witchwatch."