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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Redditor, Marilyn Monroe, Melania Trump, and Lee Harvey Oswald? One's a jerk who jacks off, one jerked off Jack, one jacks off a jerk, and one's a jerk who offed Jack ."

"If you throw a stick of butter out the window what would you call it? A Butterfly!"

"[wife walks in on me rubbing coconut oil all over my body] What are you doing? ""Uhh, SOMEONE said I don't glisten very well?"""

"Why do crows fly upside down over The Reservations? Cuz even they are tired of giving Indians free shit."

"How do you make an Ethiopian grow? Just add water."

"Women are like the Call of Duty games. If you play them for too long, you'll end up alone."

"I received a call from a charity asking me to donate clothes for starving people. Anyone who can fit into my clothes isn't starving!"

"Whats black and always in the back of a cop car? A seatbelt."

"I can't wait until Twitter gives you the option to block yourself. I say some real dumb shit on here and I shouldn't have to deal with it."

"Ellen Pao right now [deleted]"