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Joke of the Day

"The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth."

"I don't know. ""Hairy ass"" makes me sound kinda edgy but ""fuzzy bum"" is more family friendly. It's a tough call. Resumes are tricky."

"This hot chick at the harbor said that she really dug the way that I ate those Oysters. All I could say was ""Shucks."""

"If you get kissed by an alpaca it's not the end of the world. It's the alpaca-lips."

"Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won't notice... Call her fat once and she will never forget. That's because elephants never forget."

"My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, ""How old are you?"" I said, ""I'm five."" He said, ""When I was your age I was six."""

"Why did he cross back? So he could charge the client for travel expenses."

"Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you're nuts."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face"

"What's brown, green and fuzzy and if it fell from s tree it would kill you? A pool table..."