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Joke of the Day

"How many cops does it take the screw in a lightbulb? The same number it takes to screw public confidence in law enforcement"

"*saves baby from burning building* ""How can I ever repay you?!"" Favstar in the bio ""Oh I don't have Twi-"" *returns baby to burning building*"

"What did the ship captain say when his son learned to float ? That's my buoy !"

"Time flies like an arrow but fruit flies like a banana."

"My favorite Caesar quote. ""Pizza! Pizza!"""

"A big moron and a little moron were standing on the edge of a roof. Suddenly a gust of wind came and the big one fell off, but the little one didn't. Why? He was a little more on."

"Somebody accused me of being condescending today... ...by the way, condescending is shown or characterized by a patronizing or superior attitude toward others."

"Why did Donald Trump cross the road? Because his dick was stuck in the chicken."

"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it."

"NURSE: *bursts in* Dr., come quick! DR DOG: CHRIST, JULIE! Don't you knock?!? *hides magazine of sexy Labradoodles being sprayed with hoses*"