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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cross between... a Mafia Don and post-modernism? An offer you can't understand."

"""Gotta wake up early"" *sets alarm for 5am* *wakes up at 4:55am to cancel alarm* *goes back to sleep*"

"Why is singing like autoerotic asphyxiation? Because sometimes you just gotta belt it out"

"My wife is so stupid... She thought that I was a racist because I separated my whites from my colors."

"Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor? He was feeling a bit Sikh"

"I read my wife's diarrhea She thinks I have dyslexia!"

"Under Bush we had 3 Shrek movies. Under Obama we had 1. Can we really trust a president whose #1 goal was to bring down the Shrek franchise?"

"Imagine if things had been reversed. We'd be eating Lou Gehrig candy bars and getting Babe Ruth's disease."

"So a guy goes to a bratwurst convention... So a guy goes to a bratwurst convention hoping to pick up some chicks. He went home alone though; the place was a total sausage fest."

"What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian? Aye matey."