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Joke of the Day

"This one time, a work colleague declared The Avengers to be a better film than The Dark Knight. That was a busy day in HR, I can tell you."

"How do you circumcise a redneck? You kick his sister in the back of the head."

"There was a failed art theft today... the robber reportedly was foiled because he didn't have enough Monet for Degas to make the Van Gogh."

"pizza is my favorite winter activity"

"It's as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before."

"There once was a fellow McSweeny Who spilled some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth Then slipped his girlfriend a martini"

"Parachuting is probably the best way to put your life in the hands of a backpack."

"Why do Donald Trump's hands seem to act erratically and sometimes seem to stop where they are at the worst times? He suffers from low-handwidth..."

"There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola: The directions say the medication must be taken with food."

"Every ghost story ever I walked into my house, and fell asleep. It was then, 3 hours later, I woke up and realized... I don't have a house"