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Joke of the Day

"This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him."

"I met a dwarf the other day... He was a pretty average guy; a little mean"

"Whats the difference between inlaws and outlaws Outlaws are wanted"

"What 6 inches goes to your mouth? Toothbrush...you dirty bastard"

"Tip: ""At the same time"" has more characters than ""simultaneously."" The point is, having a vocabulary helps you tweet gooder."

"I found a stray cat. I looked at its collar and saw a phone number. I thought, ""No wonder your family disowned you, you fucking slut."""

"I remember when my grad father first got his pace maker Every time he would go to use the microwave he would piss his pants and forget who he was for about an half an hour or so."

"How do you know that the drum riser is level? The drummer dribbles out of both corners of his mouth"

"Woman: Is it a boy or a girl, doctor? Doctor: It's a mango. A perfectly ripe mango Woman: Oh thank GOD. I hate babies"

"What did one paedophile say to the other? Swap you two fives for a ten"