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Joke of the Day

"This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him."

"It's the worst night of the year for my dog and cat... Their names are Pots and Pans."

"i wonder how many time-travelers accidemtaly went back in time instead of forward but then saw a knight & thought ""wow look at this robot!!"""

"God: But if you use your sting you will die. Bee: That will teach us not to abuse our power. How did the wasps take that news? God: Err..."

"Me: Will you- Hubs: No Me: Can you- Hubs: Nope Me: Are you- Hubs: Oh no Me: Sex? Hubs: Yes Me: Oh hell no..... Communication is important."

"On a scale of 1-10 how obsessed with Harry Potter are you? About 9 3/4"

"I'm good at multitasking and procrastinating, which means right now there are at least 28 things that I'm putting off until later."

"What is green, fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table"

"I didn't fart, I flirted. That was a flirt! *runs away flirting*"

"Sorry feminists... Why do doctors slap babies butts when they come out? To knock the balls off the dumb ones."