168317

Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a library and asks for a book on different levels of noise. The librarian says, ""Sure, what Volume would you like?"""

"Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field"

"I was helping a Spanish guy load things in his car and he kept calling me names every time I did something nice. Everytime I helped him he called me a grassy-ass."

"My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes."

"I ALSO wrote a poem! ''I do drugs, you do drugs, we do drugs, they do drugs'' Now, I know it's not the best, but it's pretty dope."

"Some people you know were dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window."

"I used to be in a band called The Prevention We hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."

"Anyone seen ""Captain Phillips""? If not, I have a pirated copy you can borrow."

"The last time I danced at a party, someone told me I looked like a wildebeest on a frozen lake."

"My wife told me I don't have to wear a condom anymore.. Now I only have to wear one when we're having sex"