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Joke of the Day

"Who is busier than a one-toothed man in a corn eating contest? A one-legged man in an ass kicking contest."

"I got a facial tonight by hovering over the boiling water before throwing in the mac n cheese."

"I don't call it ""laziness."" I call it ""selective participation."""

"Things I need now because of Twitter: 1. A cat 2. A beard 3. Printer for Avis 4. Duct tape 5. Rope 6. Gas card"

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Nevermind, I just boiled the egg."

"Animal Crackers Please do not eat if the seal is broken."

"In To A Bar. A priest, a rapist and a child molester walk into a bar. he orders a drink"

"I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket"

"I just want to take you out... With an AK-47... & you thought on a date...hahaha."

"Your mom is like Reddit always under a heavy load"