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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: What drives you? Me: The bus mostly Interviewer: I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning? M: missing the bus"

"What are the chances of familiarising myself with a semiaquatic amphibian to the point of ownership? My newt."

"Did you hear that Henry Ford wrote a book? The driving point is that it's auto-biographical."

"TIFU by accidentally giving my vegetarian girlfriend my Italian Sandwich from quizno's instead of her Veggie Delight Sandwich. Oops wrong sub."

"I'll stop calling you a racist if you stop bragging about all the marathons you run."

"If you say ""That reminds me of a good story,"" I automatically think ""This story's gonna suck."""

"Brobbits before Hobbits"

"What's the difference between committing seppuku and impaling yourself with a sword? They're the same thing but committing seppuku comes with a little twist."

"You're fat. Fatty."

"Growing up in Canada, Taco Bell commercials were surprisingly different. At the end of each ad, they sang: ""Make a run...for the border. And then the next border."""