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Joke of the Day

"If you say ""That reminds me of a good story,"" I automatically think ""This story's gonna suck."""

"The NRA will now be arming fetuses in utero so that they can defend themselves against abortions"

"My room mates are concerned that I'm using their kitchen utensils... ...but that's a whisk i'm willing to take."

"There are two things I hate in every politician: their face."

"In America she's called ""Miley"" Cyrus, but in other countries she's called ""What America would be like if it were a person""."

"What goes: 'click' is that it? 'click' is that it? 'click' is that it? A blind guy with a rubix cube"

"are you the girl who types everything said in court? ""yes"" I'm sorry *turns to prosecutor and answers his question with dolphin noises*"

"Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? Because people kept toasting him!"

"Masturbation isn't illegal ...but I'm sure if it was, people would take the law into their own hands."

"Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like... bananas!"