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Joke of the Day

"The Somalian Olympics team has just apologised The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologised to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!!"

"Do you need help transporting a lot of animals overseas? Because I Noah guy"

"in GTA5 my dude was driving fast and I got a text IRL. when I looked down at my phone I crashed & flew out the windshield. #ItCanWait"

"How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan? Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer."

"I always felt sorry for homeless gay people They have no closet to come out of."

"My mom's daughter said it looked like my foot was making a copy of itself I told her that's mitosis"

"Always face somebody and make eye contact while talking... Especially when they attempt small talk at the urinal."

"[Walmart customer service] ME: i want to talk to the manager. MANAGER: hi sir is there a problem? ME: no, i just want to talk."

"Why did the farmer screw their sheep on a cliff? They push back harder. (Told to me by my NZ step father about Australians, of course.)"

"I hate it when a bar of soap gets visibly dirty. I want to clean it, but down that road lies madness."