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Joke of the Day

"in GTA5 my dude was driving fast and I got a text IRL. when I looked down at my phone I crashed & flew out the windshield. #ItCanWait"

"P Diddy or P Didn't he?"

"What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off of the table ? He gets splinters in his mouth !"

"Two nuts were walking down a street... One was assaulted"

"I just ate a watch... ... It was time consuming. I'm thinking of going for seconds."

"What's the difference between yogurt and semen? ~~Semen~~ Yogurt, dammit! I meant *yogurt* doesn't hit the back of your partner's throat at 30 MPH. \* I always mess up punchlines when I'm drunk!"

"Wanna hear a good abortion joke? Uhhh... Nevermind.."

"What's everyone's favorite past time, that always has the same outcome, yet does not have an arena or a proper league? Five on one."

"Where does an octopus go to buy shoes? Inke"

"An old joke which could use a new punchline. What time is it? Time for you to get a new ________ (not watch)"