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Joke of the Day

"At 4am I'm pretty sure it's either too early or too late to start drinking. But if the vodka is in my cheerios, it's technically breakfast."

"Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?! Years?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"What's the hardest object in a kids playground? My penis."

"What does Santa say when he is sick? OH OH NO!"

"My dad taught me the importance of having convictions in life. Ten felonies later, I now know that some words have more than one meaning."

"I had sex with a prostitute in a clown costume before Stephen King wrote that horror novel. In a pro pre-It."

"What do you call a fish with 27 eyes? Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish"

"Just monkeying around An orangutan walks over to an another orangutan and says 'Yo, I'm the best at climbing and swinging!' His friend looks at him and says 'that's a gibbon.'"

"If Batman gets to use a piece of Kryptonite against Superman, Superman should get to use a piece of Batman's parents. Fair is fair."

"Do I have friends? Are we allowed to count the enemies of my enemies? Then yes, I have a bunch of friends."