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Joke of the Day

"Any man that believes women are ""the weaker sex"" has never tried to reclaim his half of the blanket on a cold winter's night."

"Why do most blind folks not skydive? The sound of the dog screaming at 8000 feet gets to you after a while."

"*goes to watch youtube vid* BUFFER well okay *lifts weights* *checks again* BUFFER *does steroids* BUFFER ""WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME"""

"How do you know if the wool in your socks came from New Zealand? They've already got cum stains before you open the package."

"What is the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed clown on a tricycle? Attire"

"Screech up to a yard sale. Ask if they have any haunted amulets. Yell at the dog in your backseat, ""I'm GETTING the spell reversed, Greg!"""

"My girlfriend and I are having a disagreement. She wants a huge wedding with 500 guests and a piano player... I want us to see other people."

"It's 3000 AD. Everything is fleek. President Updog has dissolved congress. Women make 700x what men do. I'm still writing 2014 on my checks."

"My Girlfriend"

"What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down-And possibly use a lubricant."