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Joke of the Day

"Everybody thought potassium was an asshole AND a narcissist. It was probably because all he ever said to anyone was ""K""."

"My dog hunted down and killed a lizard today... You could say it was his hunting inskinkt."

"What kind of fruit is also a vegetable? Elton John in a coma."

"NPR is reporting terrorists are using twitter. I call bullshit. After logging on, most of us aren't motivated enough to get dressed"

"Your Facebook posts are like your children. Some go on to become successful and others make you look stupid."

"If you love something, set it free... Except if 'It' is a man. Because he'll get lost, and won't ask for directions."

"My favorite here lately.... Helen Keller walks into a bar. And then a table. And then a chair...."

"What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear."

"Stay safe out there on New Years Eve Who am I kidding, I'm talking to Redditors."

"Mules are held donkey and half horse. So does this mean that they do everything half-assed?"