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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't Mr. Jinks babysit his brother's daughters? He hates nieeeeeeeeces to pieeeeeecesssssssss!!!!!!!"

"*grammar police reads ransom note* ""Bring the money hear in too days, or she dead"" *grammar cop dies* ""Damn, he had 2 days until retirement"""

"Company suspends sponsorship deal with Sharapova after she failed drug test To protect Volkswagen's excellent brand image. They can't affiliate with people who might have cheated."

"I'm sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon."

"*thinks happy thoughts* *throws pixie dust in your eyes* *flies off with all your money*"

"Some of you talk more than my wife. The good news is I can just unfollow you instead of burying you in the back yard to shut you up."

"Melon love Two melons in a romantic relationship were discussing their feelings for each other. ""Honeydew you love me?"" asked the first. ""Yes,"" replied the second, ""but we cantaloupe."""

"Give me a compliment? Wife: ""I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"" Husband: ""You have perfect eyesight."""

"Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants"

"Q: Why does the letter A look like a flower? A: Because Bs like flowers."