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Joke of the Day

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the S'mores of Pop-Tarts, it was the Unfrosted Strawberry of Pop-Tarts."

"When in dangerous situation - you should always sleep with one eye opened. Especially if you're a Cyclops."

"What do you call a Jewish baby who isn't circumcised? A girl."

"A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum. He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off. Headline in the local newspaper next day read, ""Nut Screws Washer and Bolts""."

"I don't understand why people get embarrassed buying condoms. It's much more awkward trying to return them. ""She didn't like me."""

"My friend and I had this never-ending argument in a swimming pool in France Turned into a total piscine contest"

"What did the sick waiter say when his manager asked him if he could come into work? I can't wait."

"Secret agents asking citizens to please speak more clearly in all phone calls. Also, cut the chitchat and get to the good stuff, they ask."

"Toronto Police have found a head, hands, and a foot in a river. There are no theories yet but the hokey pokey has not been ruled out."

"The morning after a long night of drinking, I went to buy a flower arrangement. The guy at the counter asked me if I had been drinking. I said, ""No. I woke up like this. Florist."""