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Joke of the Day

"my life thats it thats the joke"

"Whenever I get out of an Uber I imagine cameras spinning around me and my shirt blowing up in slo-mo like I'm in a Michael Bay movie."

"It's fine when Santa does it, but when I see you when you're sleeping & know when you're awake it's ""creepy"" and ""sir, you're under arrest"""

"What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't Helium, Barium."

"""If You See an Un-attended Bag, Please DO NOT Report It!"" ""..And thank you for shopping at Luggage World"""

"I went to an ATM... I was at an ATM this morning and this older lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over."

"QWOP must be what it's like to run for autistic people."

"Kenyan men are the best at long distance relationships."

"There are two types of people in this world.. People who can stay on track and, oh how I love frosted flakes."

"Why did the redneck cross the road His dick was stuck in the chicken"