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Joke of the Day

"How 'done' do you want your burger? I can do ""well-done"" all the way to ""CPR might actually work."""

"People drive too slow in the fog... I'm just over here not hitting anything. Not even my brakes."

"If you woke up naked in the woods with a condom up your ass would you tell anyone? No?.. Wanna go camping?"

"What type of currency do people use in outer space? STARbucks."

"What does a pirate light on the Fourth of July? A m80."

"I was watching the Dyslexic news channel earlier. Apparently North Korea are making unclear threats to the US."

"I wish I could press a finger to this loud, profane, obnoxious boy's forehead and instantly transmit to him the sadness of being an adult."

"You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you'll see a wedding ring."

"It turns out there actually was a strand of Marijuana that killed millions of people in the seventies It was called Pol Pot."

"What do you call a tortoise in a shell suit? A tortoise."