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Joke of the Day

"Too bad the Kardashian show couldn't be like ""The Ring"" and kill anyone who watches it."

"What did the cat say after reading """"To Kill a Mockingbird""? I want a refund: there's not one darn thing about how to kill a bird *anywhere* in this book."

"I'm not usually too good at jokes but um... Tiss"

"I used to by my dad a neck tie on father's day, but now I buy him an Asian hooker. It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use."

"What did the Mexican put under his carpet? Underlay! Underlay!"

"Don't make fun of a fat man with a lisp. He is probably thick and tired of it"

"A lot of people like to smoke ciggarettes after sex. But you can't buy ciggarettes until you're 16. So I have to get them for both of us"

"Impatient means she's restlessly eager, inpatient means she lives in a mental hospital... Learned that one the hard way."

"My favorite pastime is roasting marshmallows over the bridges I burn."

"What key won't let you through any doors? A turkey."