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Joke of the Day

"I just realized that I have lost my mood ring... Not sure how I feel about this..."

"I can tell my 5yo will make a great politician someday by the way he uses other kids as human shields in dodgeball."

"Why are there no penguins in Britain? They're scared of Wales."

"What do you call a camel with 3 humps? Humphrey. (I was told this joke by an actual dad, it was his response to one of my jokes)"

"Why did the crab take the last slice of pizza? Because he's shellfish!"

"TIL that Kim Kardashian's giant ass has it's own birth certificate, and even has a legal name: Kanye."

"I told my boss that I'm quitting my job to become a comedian. He said, ""You can't be serious."" I said, ""I know."""

"So I bought a fragrant candle the other day, but when I lit it nothing happened... It just didn't make scents."

"My girlfriend's daughter was laying across my legs. Me: What am I a pillow now? Her: Yep, and pillows don't talk. I think we're bonding."

"My Ex-Girlfriend is Like a Box of Chocolates She'll kill your dog."