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Joke of the Day

"My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers To be honest, I should have seen the signs."

"Well, Lester Holt definitely lost that debate."

"My parents are really against my candlemaking habit. One day, I came home, and saw that they had thrown away all of my parrafinalia."

"I got a new book and I can't seem to put it down. That's the problem with slathering one's hands with rubber cement before touching things."

"What does a gay horse eat? HAAAAAAAAAY"

"deep in the forest theres a metal box that controls most forest settings. toggle birds, set default leaf size, select season, squirrel ratio"

"Why can't ovaries sail a boat? Because they are not sea-men."

"9am: protein shake, oatmeal 1pm: small salad, chicken breast 5pm: grilled salmon, spinach 9pm: 4 whole ""i don't give a shit anymore"" pizzas"

"Just made a voodoo doll of myself that I'm about to beat some sense into."

"How Many Russians Does It Take To Invade Crimea? None according to the Russians."