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Joke of the Day

"Well, Lester Holt definitely lost that debate."

"I called the bowling alley today and asked if they had 10 pound balls. He said ""yes"", which I thought was amazing for how fast he was able to run to the phone."

"I can't remember what age I am? Last time I checked I was 15, and that was 10 years ago!"

"No thank you, I don't need a coaster. I won't be putting my drink down."

"Did you hear about the haunted burlesque theater? Things went bump and grind in the night."

"My girlfriend had a heart to heart conversation with me today. She said she wanted some time and distance. Cool! She must really want to calculate velocity"

"Dad can I? A young man went up to his father and asks ""Can I have twenty bucks for a blow job?"" His father says ""I don't know. Are you any good?"""

"Car next to me in liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has SEVEN kids. I better get in there quick! She's gonna buy it all."

"Did you guys see the stock prices of brussel sprouts today? They really blew up...."

"What did the ghost of Kurt Cobain say right after his death? My feet are killin' me!"