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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a fortune teller that always predicts happiness for her clients? A hooker with a gimmick"

"How many chicken does it take to screw in a light bulb? Still counting. Those darned birds can't seem to cross the road to get over here to screw in the light bulb."

"Mcdonalds showing people doing yoga in their commercials is like George Bush having a library named after him."

"Adulthood is just piles of bills and trying to convince your exes how amazing you're life is."

"What is a orphans biggest dilemma when it comes to cooking? Making a homemade meal."

"Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does the same movies over again. Who'll he fight? The same bad guys! Billion dollar film franchise."

"wife calls and says ""i think the carburetor is flooded"" experienced husband starts from the top. ""honey, where is the car?"" ""at the bottom of the pool"""

"How do you know when Mexico is playing in the World Cup? Literally all gardening stops"

"Those ""Smoking Kills"" stickers on cigarette packs would be more effective saying ""Smoking Kills Puppies with a power drill covered in bees."""

"I know I'll be a good father. I've had my iPhone for over 6 months now and I've only dropped it 182 times so far."