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Joke of the Day

"If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay? Your mom."

"It doesn't matter how windy it is or how fast you run, dogs make terrible kites."

"The wife and I were lying in bed this morning when she said, ""I think the romance in this relationship is dead."" I wish she wouldn't talk to me while I'm having a wank."

"Gave a homeless guy a dollar and got this joke... What came first - the chicken, or the egg? Neither. The rooster always comes first."

"Did you hear about the Spaniard who was obsessed with Greek Mythology? I said to him, ""Jesus?"" and he replied, ""Where's Zeus?"""

"Shot through the heart and you're to blame, you give body armour manufacturers a bad name."

"Premarital counseling should be having the couple put together IKEA furniture with limited Wi-Fi connection. #weddingparty #romance"

"If a girl says vulgarities Is she called vulgirl?"

"[couples therapy] Mrs: he's too handsy, always touching me all over... Mr: [who is an octopus] I CANT HELP IT LINDA IM LIKE 90% HANDS..."

"If I start removing my earrings while maintaining eye contact, you're either in for the fuck of your life, or you'd better fucking run."