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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell that you had sex with a Mexican woman the night before? You wake up with a jalapeno seed on your dick."

"Golfer: ""Caddy do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?"" Caddy: ""The way you play sir it's a sin any day of the week!"""

"the idiots at NASA just hit Jupiter with one of their fireworks"

"Your selfie would be way better if you weren't in it."

"Why are all black people fast? They aren't... The slow ones are in jail"

"3yo: what are you eating? me: [mouthful of cookies] vegetables"

"I don't always take the derivative of x^2.... But when I do, it's dos equis."

"How many alzheimers patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side."

"""would u like some dessert?"" i ask the moose head above the fireplace ""no thanks im stuffed"" i reply, in a slightly deeper voice"

"What is the first thing a woman should do when she gets out of the Battered Women's Shelter? The dishes, if she knows what's good for her."