166975

Joke of the Day

"Carefully choosing my grocery check out line based on the back of who's head I want to beam hate into for the next 15 minutes."

"How do you Think the Unthinkable? With an Itheburg."

"How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Two: One to change it, and the other one to change it back again."

"Why did God create the orgasm? So women can moan even when they are happy."

"My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka."

"What is the fastest way to lose pounds? Leave EU."

"50 SHADES OF... Theatre owners have been piping in citrus scent after each showing of 50 Shades of Grey. Because everyone knows citrus is best at eliminating fish odors"

"I promise to never take you for granted... unless we are shopping for counter tops."

"I just saw three dudes wearing denim shirts with denim jeans. Who's responsible for this shit? Canada? Was it you, Canada?"

"He raised an eyebrow, put his hand down and with one eye on the table, looked expressionless. Never play poker against Mr Potato Head."