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Joke of the Day
"I promise to never take you for granted... unless we are shopping for counter tops."
Next Joke
"What is the difference between michael jackson and pimples? Pimples wait until you're thirteen before they come all over your face."
"When done right parallel parking is a beautiful thing to watch."
"why are narwhals so sexually attracted to everything? because they are horny"
"I almost got killed because my Superman cloak wasn't the correct size. It was a narrow ""S"" cape."
"Whats the difference between a prostitute with chronic diarrhea and an epileptic oyster fisherman? The prostitute fucks between shits and the oyster fisherman shucks between fits."
"I watched ""The Edge of Tomorrow"" hundreds of times there seems to be an awful lot of alternative endings though."
"How do you enter a brothel in Westeros? Through the Hodor!"
"Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels."
"I masturbated in the shower... I just wanted to come clean. Came up with this earlier, I guess it could've been relevant in /r/showerthoughts"