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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears."

"Gene Therapy The act of watching Gene Wilder films to cope with the loss of Gene Wilder. This is the place for wordplay, right?"

"Sales clerk: That handbag is very pleasing to the eye. Customer: Really? I don't like it. Giant Disembodied Eye: YOU REALLY SHOULD BUY IT"

"What is the smallest book in history? French War Victories."

"Which Lord Mayor of London was always on the Internet? Click Whittington"

"My friend's wife is so controlling. When they're together, he talks like he's filming a hostage video."

"cop: why'd you kill him? me: I was trying to count something and he kept shouting random numbers cop: ugh hate that you're free to go"

"When do cops blow up and destroy shopping centers and Walmarts? During Black Friday."

"Who was the stretchiest man in The Bible? Abraham. He tied his ass to a tree and walked up a mountain."

"Finally Gay and Lesbian couples can get married... It's about time they were allowed to be as miserable as the rest of us."