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Joke of the Day

"If Donald Trump was a communist, instead of saying ""Grab her by the pussy"" he would have said ""Seize the means of reproduction."""

"Life is like a bunch of chocolates It doesn't last long when you're fat."

"What's the difference between a midget and a venereal disease? One's a cunning runt and the other's a running cunt."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside."

"I have a hard time believing an auto dealer really wants my business if their entire lot isn't covered in the shade of helium balloons."

"ME: I give you all my love and infection. HIM: Um. Don't you mean love and 'affection'? ME: ... HIM: ... ME: You should get tested."

"While watching Hangover 2 the other day, I say to my friend, ""I wonder where they're going in the third one?"" ""Straight to DVD."""

"It's not herpes I burned my lip on a hot sausage."

"I got offered a job at McCormick... ...but it was just seasonal work."

"Have you heard about the all-lesbian construction crew? well, they don't use studs; it's all tongue & groove :)"