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Joke of the Day

"They don't treat the black people right. In our neighborhoods, they don't have banks -- they have check cashing."

"I like to picture my mom in the middle of the crowd at a Wu Tang concert, hands on her hips, just shouting grammar corrections back at them"

"My friend took my mood ring without my permission. I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"What do you get when your iPhone auto-corrects ""lardass""? Kardashian"

"""I'm sorry. I haven't had sex for a very long time."" -- and other things I say during the meeting to excuse my bad behavior."

"More than eighty percent of the world records I hold are for making shit up."

"This guy tried to sell me a casket. I told him, ""well, that's the *last* thing I'm gonna need."""

"I gave up on my growing list of optometry jokes They just kept getting cornea"

"Post some more song lyrics as your status. Someone will eventually understand your struggle."

"""Son, I've found a condom in your room."" ""Gee thanks, Grandpa!"" ""Why are you calling me Grandpa?"" ""Because I couldn't find it yesterday."""