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Joke of the Day

"Jesus can walk on water. Babies are 89% water. I can walk on babies. I am... in jail."

"I love self-depreciating humor.. ..but I suck at it"

"Every time I'm around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence."

"Donald Trump has a new plan for solving the conflict of interest of him owning his business empire and being President He's going to put America into a blind trust."

"Can electrocution get someone jail time? I'm not sure, but they'd definitely be charged"

"[SPELLING BEE] JUDGE: Tim, your word is ""Oak"" TIM: [deep breath] Ok *BUZZER* T: What th J: So close! It's O-'A'-K T: But... J: Hard luck, kid"

"How do you circumcise a hillbilly ? Kick his sister in the jaw"

"Where do tv's go on vacation? To remote Islands"

"For awhile I'm thinking about going out tonight...I haven't seen those blurry people that ask me how much I've had to drink for awhile!"

"Told my kids to get rid of toys they don't play with, so if you hear a commotion it's just them desperately playing with every toy they own."