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Joke of the Day

"? Hey there Delilah, can we handle this discreetly My stomach reacted badly after eating old zucchini ? and I just pooooed ?"

"[writing own obituary before going to the zoo just in case] ""his hatred of lions was well known and dreamt of fighting one two of them"""

"A friend of mine told me that sex after a vasectomy would hurt. But to be honest I haven't noticed a vas deferens."

"Tumblr is like junk food They're both filled with trans fat."

"Why did the sperm cross the road Because I put the wrong sock on this morning"

"Him: I love nerd girls Me: Did you know that having red beard hair happens if you only have 1 mutated MC1R gene? Him: no. not like that."

"What can you never get from a gay person? a straight answer. Accepting alternate answers in the comments"

"The fact acceptance movement and the French Revolution are very similar. People losing their heads over eating cake."

"By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game."

"Whats the difference between a mosquito and a hooker? When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking."