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Joke of the Day

"when zombies can't sleep it's called inzombnia holy shit that was a huge slice of comedy pie I bet you're all full now I sure am"

"Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out"

"Don't be ashamed of who you are That's your parents' job"

"What does a prostitute and a lawyer have in common? They both screw you for $300 per hour. What's the difference? Most prostitutes have standards."

"The only thing that would prevent my wife from going to Pilates class would be if they invented a more expensive form of exercise."

"I get all of my news from ""We Didn't Start The Fire"""

"The Presidential Debate We don't know if Hillary is telling the truth, and we're hoping Trump isn't"

"How do you stop an Italian from talking? Tie his hands together"

"How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? When you take careful aim."

"Why does Hillary have sex with Bill first thing in the morning? Because she wants to be the First Lady."