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Joke of the Day

"What does a prostitute and a lawyer have in common? They both screw you for $300 per hour. What's the difference? Most prostitutes have standards."

"Sorry I pissed on the walls of your bathroom, but the flowery wall paper made me think I was outside.. Also you're out of Valium"

"What do you call a Penis inside a Potato? A dictator"

"Wanna hear a really cheesy joke? Just a warning, it's not that gouda. (made that one up during a slow night at work)"

"BOSS: quit listening to Vanilla Ice, participate in the meeting, and pay attention ME: so... stop, collaborate, and listen? BOSS: you're fired"

"I've made 20,000 tweets. And I've never tried to sell you anything except the idea that tampon jokes are funny."

"Why are yogurt eaters sophisticated? Because they're WELL-CULTURED."

"Christmas is shit. Whoever invented it should be nailed to a cross."

"Whats the difference between two dicks and a joke? Your mom can't take a joke."

"One-One was a race horse, Two-Two was one too One-One won one race and Two-Two's leg was broken and he had to get euthanized."