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Joke of the Day

"I couldn't be trusted with a time machine. I'd get killed going back and testing whether or not Velociraptors really could open doors."

"No matter what people think of you, walk around with your head held high. Multiple chins are not cute."

"Chuck Norris counted to infinity...... Twice."

"Rene Angelil passed away recently, long time manager and husband of Celine Dion. At the funeral a devastated Celine sobbed ""It's ok , my heart will go on"""

"There's someone out there for everyone. Don't worry if you're alone, your true love is just having sex with someone else right now."

"Somebody actually complimented me on my parking today. They left a note on the windscreen. It said, ""Parking fine"", so that was nice."

"You know what gets me about karma whores?"

"The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they'll erase what they did during the week."

"Why was the terrorist masturbating on the plane? He was hijacking it."

"The set of tools that mods can use."