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Joke of the Day

"A guy calls the hospital. He says, ""You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!"" The nurse says, ""Calm down. Is this her first child?"" He says, ""No! This is her husband!"""

"Always use a fish knife when eating fish, a tomato knife when eating tomato, and a Swiss Army knife when eating a member of the Swiss army."

"How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb? None a burned out bulb can't catch a waiter's eye."

"What's the difference between a Maine girl and a moose? 15 lbs and a flannel shirt."

"""GIMME AN E! ... GIMME ANOTHER E! ... GIMME ANOTHER E! ... GIMME ANOTHER E! ... GIMME ANOTHER E! ..."" - Cheerleader who loves ecstasy"

"If you replaced Odysseus with Oedipus.. ..would a long series of journeys or wanderings be known as an Oedipussy?"

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None. First they beat the room for being black, then they arrest the light bulb for being broke."

"My girlfriend told me I needed to be more affectionate... So I got a second girlfriend."

"what's 6 inches long 2 inches wide and drives a woman wild? money"

"Overheard in a restaurant. Grandma: ""Oh, I could really go for a Quickie right about now!"" Grandpa: ""It's pronounced a Quiche, dear!"""