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Joke of the Day

"*is at the movies with hot date* *does fake yawn to put arm around her* *yawns too hard and inhales a child from the row in front* *dies*"

Next Joke
 
"My wife said I never do anything for her so I packed her bags and put them outside."
"equality A woman's work is never done, that's why they earn less."
"Is that a pineapple in your pocket, or are you just....Why do you have a pineapple in your pocket?"
"Cake day: How many scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: I don't know, I'm no scientist"
"I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me."
"I'm so ugly... I can't even turn on a lamp"
"TIL How to Time Travel And man do I miss Reddit."
"A guy walks into a bar... ouch"
"Cyclists who don't obey street signs should have to wear their google search history on a t-shirt."