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Joke of the Day

"Pro Tip: Use candles to set a romantic mood. Pro Tip Addendum: don't set the romantic mood right by curtains."

"Elsa My daughter just told me this before bed. Why is Elsa not allowed a balloon? Because she'll let it goooo"

"I didn't know when your wedding was because you spelled out the date and time like a goddamn medieval sorcerer."

"Two fish swim into a wall One looks at the other and says *""Dam!""* #oldbutgold"

"Can a ninja throw a star? Shuriken"

"What do you call a tooth in a glass? A one molar solution."

"No matter what has happened. No matter what you've done. No matter what you will do. I will always love you. I swear it."

"My girlfriend told me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter. Well, I've got some news for her."

"A son asks his dad, ""What's the difference between a boy and a girl?"" His dad answers, ""Well, there's a vas deferens!"""

"I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain. Somebody had ripped the appendix out."